DVD: 2012

Watching 2012 reminded me a lot of when I first saw "The Final Destination," it was a fun experience but little more than elaborate misfortunes. To be honest I didn't really watch 2012 while it was on, I was at my computer reading the news and browsing Google Reader and looking up every 15 minutes or so to watch the huge disaster sequences. After a certain point with the "Final Destination" series they just became vehicles for delivering elaborate and gruesome deaths and they were good and fun for that, the "Saw" series took it to the next level being referred to as torture-porn, which leads to 2012 where the destructive sections are the best part and the rest of the story just moves us between them. I'm totally okay with that too, there are so many good movies that deal with the evolution of humanity pre/post armageddon, so there is nothing wrong with just having fun watching the world get destroyed.

The sad part is that while the big destructive sequences in 2012 are fun, I felt like they paled in comparison to the CGI effects of "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs" which (spoiler alert) has a huge armageddon-esque sequence towards the end of it. I'm curious if I felt that way because 2012 is trying to blend these CGI effects into a real world, whereas Cloudy is a completely fictional and cartoon-ish world which lessens the burden of the designers. 2012 has to be intriguing without losing believability, a million little details go in to every explosion and earthquake, and while it tries to do so I don't thing the effects are all that believable.

The story is pretty much barely held together and you don't actually find yourself caring for any of the characters because they are so ineffectually written but no one is watching this movie for those things anyway. Watching the world get destroyed is fun but honestly I'd recommend you spend your time watching any one of the hundreds of good post-apocalyptic movies (*cough* Zombieland *cough*).

***SPOILER ALERT***
Humanity survives...crazy right? Never would've seen that coming. Actually, I just wanted to give two specific examples about how stupid these characters are.

When we first meet the kids John Cusack's character is informed that his 7 year old daughter still wets the bed, as if his ignorance proves he's a bad father. Not a big deal but towards the end of the movie the last thing this littler girl says about the whole experience is "No more pull-ups" or something to the affect that after having spent 2hours having the shit scared out of her as the world ended she has overcome her bed wetting problem. Wouldn't all that horrible stuff make it worse?

Also there is a point where John Cusack supposedly dies, or you're supposed to think he did, and I personally didn't care at all. Maybe it has little impact because it happens so early in the film you ask? Well simply put NO, because it happens again towards the end and I still don't care about him at all.

The 2012 Drinking Game
Wait your still trying to watch this movie? Well at least have some fun with it...

Imminent Danger-Take a sip of beer every time the characters are suddenly in peril.
          You should be buzzed by the end of the first disaster sequence.
Fuck Darwin - Take a shot each time a character dies who should have survived in any other scenario. Take another shot if their death is sacrificial. And yet another shot if that death is even somewhat ironic.
          Woody Harrelson sacrificing himself to the volcano. Ironic because he loved nature. 2 shots
          Sasha sacrificing himself to land the plane. Smart pilot who should have otherwise lived.
                    Ironic because he thought he was safe. 3 shots
          How does President Danny Glover not survive? Oh he sacrifices his safety for his people, and then is
                    ironically crushed by the JFK aircraft carrier. 3 shots
          The greedy Russian dad who sacrifices his life to save his sons. Ironic because he dies in a selfless act
                    after leading such a selfish life. 2 shots
This plot makes no sense - Take a drink of beer every time there is some detail that only barely makes any sense whatsoever in the context of anything.
         Going camping in a limousine?
         A 7 year old wetting the bed matters why?
         Any of the sub plot with physicist Adrian, which has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie.
         Woody Harrelson happens to have a powerpoint queued up that explains everything that's going on?
         The doctor is also a pilot?
         An airplane full of cars?
         And so on and so forth, anything that if you think about for 5 seconds you easily realize is just bad writing meant only to move the story from one CGI scene to the next.

So, that's a pretty simple game. And it should get you sufficiently drunk The Darwin rule alone should have you blacking out before the credits roll, which would probably be for the best.

Editor's note: 2012 Drinking Game added on 3/13/10