Why I can't have nice things...Like a Girlfriend

or Mondo tries online dating, hilarity ensues.

I think this is my first comedic post, and by comedy I mean we're going to look at some aspect of my life and laugh. I've never been a "people person" and it's tough for me to meet people now that I'm out of school so my friends urged me to join OkCupid with them. My profile is somewhat entertaining because I wrote it to be amusing not to actually meet people. To a certain extent I would like to meet someone but this has really just become a way for me to entertain myself with pathetic attempts at talking to people. Here are a few of my faves:


First Girl:

Someone just winked at you!

If you'd like to strike up a conversation with her, simply reply with something short and encouraging, like "Thanks for the wink! What's new?"

A wink is a special gesture on OkCupid, limited to 1.5 per person, per day, per eye.

Enjoy!

Me:

Thanks for the wink, I'm still not quite sure what that means nor how to respond.

"What's up?"

Does that seem adequate?

Her:

Hello and what's up is what I meant by the wink. I hope that you are doing well this evening. I am tired from a long week and a long day today.

Me:

Lucky me, I had the day off from work so I got some cleaning done around the house, played a little RockBand with a friend and then capped of the night catching up on some TV online. So, yes, all is well with me.

Long weeks suck. Plans for the weekend? I'm hoping to go out with some friends tomorrow night and then catch some football on Sunday.

I'm sorry if this isn't at all interesting. I've unfortunately never had much contact with anyone on this site. the one girl i had an actual dialog with randomly stopped talking to me. My point is I'm never quite sure what to talk about.

Sorry if that was an off putting tangent, but I have a problem with honesty.

Needless to say she did not respond. I guess it was an off putting tangent. So there was another girl who had viewed my profile, so I decided to "wink" at her in the hopes of starting a conversation like the previous girl had tried with me.

Here's the message I sent her:

Subject: I tried winking but im not sure if it did anything
Message:So, I thought I'd strike up a conversation. I like stand up too, who are your top 5 comedians?

I'm sorry if this seems like a juvenile way to go about talking to someone but initiating small talk is not my forte.

This last one is probably the worst for obvious (stalkerish) reasons. I had exchanged a few emails with this girl and though she had a good sense of humor, so I took a shot at her feminist beliefs. It was nothing huge, I said "Ladies first (as a feminist I'm sure you'll love that)" and she apparently didn't. After weeks of not hearing back from her I send this:

Apparently I have a problem letting things go. Actually I'm just curios and would like to learn from my mistakes. Did I say something to offend you? Is that why you stopped talking to me?

Apologies if this seems stalker-ish, I'm a bit OCD.

Maybe my sense of humor just doesn't translate well to type, more likely I'm and idiot when it comes to actually trying to have real conversations with people (especially women).

I may leave the site but it is kind of fun. Besides I'll never get better without practice.